After 16 years of marriage Gerald Rogers divorces. He is certainly not a relationship expert. But the fact of being recently divorced, makes him regret the way he has behaved in recent years … After losing a woman he loved and ending a marriage of almost 16 years, here is his advice he would have liked to have:
Never stop counting
Never stop your efforts. NEVER believe that this woman is yours. When you asked him to marry you, you promised to be the man to whom his heart would belong and who would protect him at all costs.
It is the most sacred and important treasure you will ever have in your possession. She chose you. Never forget that, and never get lazy in your love efforts.
Protect your own heart
Just as you are committed to being the protector of his heart , you must protect yours with the same vigilance. Love yourself completely, love the world openly, but keep a special place in your heart where no one should enter except your wife.
Keep this space always ready to receive it and refuse to let anyone or anything else in.
Fall in love again and again
You will constantly change. You are not the same people you were when you married, and in five years you will not be the same person as you are today. Change will come, and in this sense you have to re-choose each other every day.
She has no obligation to stay with you, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she can give it to someone else or exclude you completely and you can never get it back. always to earn her love just like you did when you wooed her.
Always see the best in it
Just focus on what you like, this part will take over. If you focus on what is bothering you, everything you see in her will bother you. If you focus on what you love, you cannot help but be consumed by love.
Concentrate so much that you can only see love and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be married to this woman.
It’s not up to you to change it
Your job is to love it as it is without the hope that it will change. And if it changes, love what it becomes, whether it is what you want or not.
Take all the responsibility…
… Of your own emotions: it is not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CANNOT make you sad. You are in charge of finding your own happiness, and thus it will spread in your relationship and in your love.
Never hold it against your wife if you …
If you are frustrated or angry at it, it is only because something is going on inside of you. These are your emotions and your responsibility. When you feel these feelings, take time to analyze them and understand what is inside of you that needs to be healed.
You were attracted to this woman because she is the most suitable person to bring back your childhood wounds in a painful way so that you can heal them … when you are healed, you will no longer be annoyed by she and you will wonder how you could have been.
Let your wife live
When she is sad or upset, it is not your duty to change her, you only need to help her and let her know that you are there for her. Let her know that you hear her, that she is important and that you are the pillar on which she can always rely.
The female mind is full of changes and emotions and, like a storm, her emotions are unleashed in a more or less pronounced way, and, if you stay strong and without judgment, then she will trust you and open her soul to you… NEVER LEAK IF IT IS SAD.
Be present and strong and let her know that you are there for her. Really listen to what she says, go beyond words and emotions.
Don’t take yourself too seriously. Laugh and make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.
Fill her soul everyday …
Learn the words that make her happy and the things that make her feel important, and loved. Ask her to make a list of the 10 things that make her feel loved, memorize these things and make it a priority every day, so that she feels like a queen.
Give it not only your time, but your attention and your soul as well. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with it, you are fully with it. Treat it as you would treat your most precious client. She is.
Be willing to make her escape sexually …
To prevail in the power of your male presence, to consume and devour it with your strength and to penetrate it deep into her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness by letting her know that she can trust you.
Don’t be an idiot
And don’t be afraid to be one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too many mistakes and learn from the ones you make. You are not supposed to be perfect, just try not to be too stupid.
Give him space
A woman is so conducive to giving that sometimes you have to remind her to take time for herself. Sometimes she will have to fly on her own to find what nourishes her soul, and if you give her this space, she will come back with new things to tell you. Tell her to take time for herself, especially after having children. She needs this space to renew herself, refocus and find herself after giving herself to your children and to you.
Be vulnerable …
You don’t always have to be perfect. Be prepared to share your fears and feelings and quickly recognize your mistakes.
Be completely transparent
If you want to have his trust, you must be ready to share everything… Especially what you do not want to share. It takes courage to love fully, to open your heart completely and let it in without knowing if it will love what it will see …
Part of this courage allows him to love you completely, with your dark side and your cheerful side. LET THE MASK FALL… If you want to wear a mask when you are with it and be perfect all the time, you will never see what a true love can be.
Never stop growing up together
The stagnant pond causes malaria while the river is always fresh and pure. A muscle atrophies when you stop using it, and the same thing happens with relationships. Find common goals, dreams and visions to accomplish.
Don’t worry about money
Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to earn it. There is no point in beating you. Find out how to leverage your two strengths to win.
Forgive immediately …
And focus on the future rather than carrying the weight of the past. Do not be hostage to your past. Staying stuck on the mistakes you or he had made will act as a heavy anchor on your marriage and prevent you from moving forward. FORGIVENESS OFFERS FREEDOM. Cut anchor and always choose love.
Always choose love
In fact, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle by which all your choices are governed, nothing threatens the happiness of your marriage. Love will always last.
Thus, a marriage is not always happy. It requires effort, a commitment to grow together, and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can last forever.
Through these efforts, happiness will come. Marriage is a life, and it will bring ups and downs. Accepting all the cycles, appreciating and learning from each experience will bring you the strength and the perspective to continue building your project, brick by brick.
These are lessons that I learned hard and unfortunately too late. But these are lessons that I am learning and that I am committed to sharing. The truth is that I loved being married, and one day I hope to get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a base that will withstand any storm and last forever.
If you read this and find wisdom in my pain, share around you so that these young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope and these couples can benefit from them.
One of these men could be like I was, and in these hard-learned lessons, maybe something will wake up in him and teach him to be the man his wife is expecting.