I refuse to apologize for finally putting myself in the first place


Do you know what’s funnier about the fact that we’re both done? <>You had the nerve to say that you were broken, and that you ended up being injured.<><>

You had the nerve to say that I left you like a dog and that I moved on without ever looking back.<><>

I wish it were like this, I wish it was like you told everyone. <>I wish it were me the bad guy, but it is not so.<><>

Because for months, you drained me, for months, you took parts of me as you see fit. <><>I was ready to give you everything I had, because I believed that at least you would love me in return.<><>

And now you’re the one who’s hurt. <>And bein guess what? <>I refuse to apologize for finally putting myself in the first place.<><>

I refuse to apologize for having finally seen my worth. <><>To have finally seen that I am so much more than just your girlfriend, that I am so much more than the one who should run after you and make you happy.<><>

And I deserve much more than all this pain you have inflicted on me. <>I deserve a gaga love that warms the whole body, that turns the stomach upside down and makes it fly.<><>

I deserve this gaga love that never lets you remove the silly smile from your face. <>I deserve love, and you gave me nothing.<><>

I refuse to apologize for getting up on my feet. <><>For finally fighting against you, for finally giving up hope that you would change, because it took me too long to realize that you would never do it.<><>

I refuse to apologize for having found strength in myself, when I thought there was none left. <>For finding traces of the old me somewhere deep inside me, when I felt like you had drowned it for a long time.<><>

To have finally let go of your toxic love, which I should have done a long time ago.<><>

I refuse to apologize for falling in love with me. <><>Since you refused to do it, someone had to do it. <>Since you did not know how to see the beauty of my mind and my heart, I did it.<><>

Since you didn’t see how great I was, I had to do it. <>And now you’re the one who’s hurt. <>You had me too long, but you only saw how I could be useful to you.<><>

You only saw how I could serve you to boost your ego and make fun of me once again. <>Not once did you wonder if I would have liked to be kissed as if there was no tomorrow.<><>

Not once did you wonder if I would have liked to feel beautiful by your side. <>Not once did you wonder if I was maybe, just maybe, the one who was injured.<><>

I refuse to apologize for having chosen myself instead of you. <><>For the first time in so long, for the first time since we met, for the first time since I told you I loved you, I choose myself.<><>

For the first time, I choose my needs, my sanity and my heart rather than yours. <>And for the first time, I feel good.<><>

I feel like I can do anything; <>I feel like I could write an entire book in a week.<><>

I want to jump from a plane. <>I feel alive, something I haven’t felt in so long.<><>

I refuse to apologize for making myself a priority. <><>I refuse to apologize for doing something I should have done long ago. <>For being away from you, for saving what was left of me.<><>

I refuse to apologize for reconstructing myself. <>The only person I should apologize to is myself for not having done all of this earlier.<><>

Because I’m really, really sorry that I stayed with you for so long, hoping that you would change. <>Sorry to have given you everything, and to have received nothing in return.<><>

Sorry to have loved you more than I loved myself, only so that afterwards you could reject this love. <>To have made you my priority, whereas you had made me your last choice.<><>

So I refuse to apologize for finally putting myself in the first place, because no one else will do it for me.<><>

Do you know what’s funnier about the fact that we’re both done? <>You had the nerve to say that you were broken, and that you ended up being injured.<><>

You had the nerve to say that I left you like a dog and that I moved on without ever looking back.<><>

I wish it were like this, I wish it was like you told everyone. <>I wish it were me the bad guy, but it is not so.<><>

Because for months, you drained me, for months, you took parts of me as you see fit. <><>I was ready to give you everything I had, because I believed that at least you would love me in return.<><>

And now you’re the one who’s hurt. <>And bein guess what? <>I refuse to apologize for finally putting myself in the first place.<><>

I refuse to apologize for having finally seen my worth. <><>To have finally seen that I am so much more than just your girlfriend, that I am so much more than the one who should run after you and make you happy.<><>

And I deserve much more than all this pain you have inflicted on me. <>I deserve a gaga love that warms the whole body, that turns the stomach upside down and makes it fly.<><>

I deserve this gaga love that never lets you remove the silly smile from your face. <>I deserve love, and you gave me nothing.<><>

I refuse to apologize for getting up on my feet. <><>For finally fighting against you, for finally giving up hope that you would change, because it took me too long to realize that you would never do it.<><>

I refuse to apologize for having found strength in myself, when I thought there was none left. <>For finding traces of the old me somewhere deep inside me, when I felt like you had drowned it for a long time.<><>

To have finally let go of your toxic love, which I should have done a long time ago.<><>

I refuse to apologize for falling in love with me. <><>Since you refused to do it, someone had to do it. <>Since you did not know how to see the beauty of my mind and my heart, I did it.<><>

Since you didn’t see how great I was, I had to do it. <>And now you’re the one who’s hurt. <>You had me too long, but you only saw how I could be useful to you.<><>

You only saw how I could serve you to boost your ego and make fun of me once again. <>Not once did you wonder if I would have liked to be kissed as if there was no tomorrow.<><>

Not once did you wonder if I would have liked to feel beautiful by your side. <>Not once did you wonder if I was maybe, just maybe, the one who was injured.<><>

I refuse to apologize for having chosen myself instead of you. <><>For the first time in so long, for the first time since we met, for the first time since I told you I loved you, I choose myself.<><>

For the first time, I choose my needs, my sanity and my heart rather than yours. <>And for the first time, I feel good.<><>

I feel like I can do anything; <>I feel like I could write an entire book in a week.<><>

I want to jump from a plane. <>I feel alive, something I haven’t felt in so long.<><>

I refuse to apologize for making myself a priority. <><>I refuse to apologize for doing something I should have done long ago. <>For being away from you, for saving what was left of me.<><>

I refuse to apologize for reconstructing myself. <>The only person I should apologize to is myself for not having done all of this earlier.<><>

Because I’m really, really sorry that I stayed with you for so long, hoping that you would change. <>Sorry to have given you everything, and to have received nothing in return.<><>

Sorry to have loved you more than I loved myself, only so that afterwards you could reject this love. <>To have made you my priority, whereas you had made me your last choice.<><>

So I refuse to apologize for finally putting myself in the first place, because no one else will do it for me.<><>


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