How to do a couple detox (when things aren’t going that well)

Everything annoys you at your partner and you want to throw his dirty underwear that drags on his face? And at the same time, you miss your bond. It’s time to breathe and take a detox that will have a real effect on your relationship. Here’s how.

Nothing is going right under the sun. For some time now, it’s been stuck in your relationship. The rare moments when you speak hollow, even end in acerbic comments when you manage somehow to avoid the masterful confusion that started from a simple forgetting of potatoes at the supermarket.

And yet you care about your partner like the apple of your eye, and just the thought of parting with them makes you want to cry.

The solution? Fall back on the “couple detox”, which will give you time to realize what is wrong in the way you do things, alone or in pairs. We give you three key steps to reconnect and regain the carefree attitude of the beginning.

1- Make lists

A little control-freak like Monica Geller, certainly, but the fact of clearly writing down on a paper the reasons why you need to get some fresh air remains quite effective for the good progress of the detox. This will also allow you to see more clearly without leaving an arm at the shrink.

Get down to making three lists: one on which you will write the biggest problems of your couple, one where you will detail the role you play in the conflict (s) (in all honesty, we see you), and a last where you will write down what you need from your partner.

Whether it’s details that seem trivial to you or deeper wounds, the important thing is to speak openly and deliver completely. No sincerity, no progress. No progress, no healthy relationship. You choose.

2- Work on your bitterness

Okay, Alex hasn’t always been tender. Especially when he or she preferred to get home drunk at 4 am rather than spending the evening with you, as agreed. You felt neglected and it hurt you. It is unbearable, we sympathize at the highest point.

Except that today, these phases of yesteryear remain ingrained in you. And you develop harmful rancor that could ruin your relationship from the inside, which you neither want nor need.

If you want to come out purified from this detox experience and give a real chance to your common future, you must “Come Clean”, as Hilary Duff would say in 2003, but do it well. Explain how you feel rather than blaming the other. “I have the feeling that…”; “I feel …” instead of “You don’t do anything” or the classic “You don’t care”.

3- Schedule “detox” meetings

We can never repeat it enough: in a couple, nothing is more effective than continuous, honest and direct communication. And developing weekly or bimonthly detox dates contributes concretely to establishing this necessary climate of benevolence.

If you or your partner are apprehensive about coming face to face to put things flat, be sure to set an affectionate tone on these “sessions” to prevent them from turning into disguised trials.

You are not there to attack each other but to make your relationship go better, as you go. So listen to yourself, learn from each other and make efforts each on your side.

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