Not easy when anger takes you to the guts to defuse a fight. No matter who’s right or wrong, the little broken glass has already grown too much. The purpose of this article is not to give you the keys to have the last word, but on the contrary to reduce the conflict to nothing for each party to find his account and there is no resentment or grudge.
Put words on what we are trying
More often than not, when an argument breaks out it is that one feels misunderstood or feels an injustice or frustration. So you can either scream all the names of birds that go through your head, or spend hours sulking in your corner, exclaiming “no I do not mouth” in a tone ultra-dry and frozen, either try to calmly explain to your interlocutor your emotions. Believe it or not, it’s ultra liberating, and you’ll feel anger fly away.
Put yourself in the other’s shoes
When I talk to you about expressing your emotions, it does not just work in one direction. So you have to be able to listen and understand those of others too. “Do to others what you would like us to do to you. Is it talking to you? Do not hesitate to put yourself in their place. What is also important is to seek to have a global vision of the situation.
Have sweet words
My mother has often told me “the sweet word breaks anger, the harsh word excites the fury”. Let’s be realistic, if a conflict is growing is often because everyone wants to be right and tries to touch or even hurt the other. By having a kind or benevolent word, the other can no longer outbid, and the conflict automatically subsides.
In practice what gives what?
I would like to tell you a story that I lived, and that helped me a lot in my personal development.
In the SAV where I work, a client yells at me when I come to her to help her. You know, this adorable situation where you do not even have the time to say hello that you jump in the throat. If you go back into the conflict, (which would be rather human) you will have a very bad time. So, just one thing to do, defuse the bomb.
In this case, I used the soft word technique first. In a calm and caring voice, I explained to her that I was there to solve her problem, that I wanted to help her, but that for that I needed that she explains me calmly her concern. And there, the shock! She literally burst into tears, telling me that there were two deaths in her family that same week and that she was running out of nerves. She apologized at least a dozen times for being so odious. In the end, everything went well, so it was a really bad start.
In the same spirit, I have prepared an article on how to become more positive. Seeing the glass half full can also help you take a step back from a conflict and defuse it.