If you suspect that your boyfriend has not completely forgotten about his ex, you probably have good reasons for it. Maybe you caught him crying while looking at his phone. Maybe he calls his name in the middle of the night or worse, he called you by his first name by mistake. Maybe he keeps one of his blouses and did you catch him sniffing?
However, this is probably not a patent violation of your relationship, but something more insidious that indicates that he is not ready emotionally to have romantic appointments at this time.
“If your new boyfriend is constantly talking about his ex, spend a lot of time on the phone with her, see her in your absence, compare you to her in a way that is unfavorable to you; all this indicates that he may still be attached to her, “says Dr. Jane Greer, a sex therapist in New York.
In other words, if he does some (or all) of the things listed below, there is a risk that he will always pinch it for his ex-girlfriend.
1 – They talk to each other often
It’s not fair to expect him to completely wipe his ex-girlfriend out of his life – unless she’s clearly always in love with him – because it’s not nice. But if they talk to each other all the time, it’s possible that he still feels feelings for her. “Either he feels guilty about letting it go, or he has not forgotten it,” says Dr. Greer. If he remains too involved, talk to him about whether he is ready to have a relationship with you. “
They may have a platonic relationship – or else he stays in touch in case it does not work with you.
2 – He regularly follows her posts on social networks
We would all be better off by not following our ex on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram – especially when they post sexy selfies that still make us ecstatic. But a man does not always want to stay completely out of the way. Blocking or ceasing to follow someone on social networks can cause a post-relationship drama and can make things even more bizarre for common friends.
3 – He spends his time saying bad things about her
It is understandable that he is a bit bitter, but if he frequently goes out of his hinges to say how much it was nil, pull the whistle. He might try to remember why he is no longer with her to prove to himself that he is better today.
4 – He puts the package on your relationship
This is something that men do when they want to go back to their ex. They race with her to see who will achieve her goals in terms of a relationship first. It’s a competition you do not want to play.
5 – You know more about his ex than you should
He constantly says things like “My ex did not enjoy Game of Thrones as much as you do” or “She spent her time texting while we were dining together”. It sounds like compliments, but it just compares to it. And you should save yourself.
6 – He keeps the custom T-shirt she made him do
He keeps the t-shirt that she offered him one day. He should have gotten rid of it, returned it to him or thrown it into a chimney fire. And yet, Jane Greer says that people often keep memories of their past relationships, so it’s not always a sign that he has not forgotten his ex-but it can be. Have a discussion with him about why he is holding on to these memories, advises the therapist.
7 – He stayed close to her family
In general, after breaking up with someone, you stop dating. But he claims to have remained attached to his ex’s parents, despite the fact that he “does not speak to her anymore”. Let’s be realistic: a part of him probably hopes that this keeps a connection between them. Even though, says Dr. Greer, it is possible that his ex is from the past and that he just loves one of his family members. It’s definitely worth talking about if your relationship starts to get serious.