If the marriage had lost popularity, in recent years, it is back in force.
Girls get married earlier and sooner and start a family sooner and later. Faced with this eagerness and also with all the divorces that ensue, I would like you to benefit from my experience.
Basically, I find it hard not to wonder how marriage is so attractive … Because believe me, if a marriage can be the most beautiful thing in the world, it can also turn into a nightmare.
In short, it must be understood that this is not something that should be taken lightly. So many marriages fail, sometimes only after a few months.
Why do you marry so young? Why so quickly? Whenever I’m invited to a wedding, I can not help but wonder how long it will last …
After two failed marriages, here are some questions that I invite you to ask yourself or some thoughts that I advise you to engage before taking the plunge!
As they say, “one of yours is better than two you will have it”.
1. To live happily, no need to marry …
We can totally love each other, live in pairs and start a family without pronouncing the famous “I want it”. You can buy a house, open an account and pay taxes to two without getting married.
One can be happy by being single, that’s for sure. But you can also be happy as a couple, without necessarily having to wear the ring on your finger.
Obviously, it’s a personal decision. I just want to say that this is not a decision that should be taken lightly.
2. Never get married for appearances
Even I must confess that I dreamed a lot about the white dress, the diamond solitaire and especially, my father leading me to the altar. I dreamed of the ceremony and Prince Charming who would take me on his white horse.
Yes, it’s true, it’s a little dream of all little girls … But we do not get married to fulfill the dream we had during our infancy. When you think about it, it’s a bit stupid!
Marriage is a real commitment, which must never be taken to save appearances or merge into any mold.
3. To bear the name of her husband …
Already, I want to make it clear that this is a somewhat archaic tradition and, in addition, has no legal anchoring … That is to say that no law has ever stipulated (nor yesterday or today) that a woman was forced to take her husband’s name. Indeed, it is simply a custom that has survived to this day.
That said, I fully respect women who wish to take the name of their husband (whatever their reasons). Know then that there is no need to marry to be done. You can take the name of your man without going through the church!
4. Attention to the marriage contract
If your future husband requires you to sign a marriage contract, beware!
Again, I do not judge anyone. He may have a good reason, financial, patrimonial or otherwise. But I’m just saying that you have to be careful before you go down that road.
Many are the ones whose problems started at the signing of this famous prenuptial contract!
This kind of request can indeed be a sign of a lack of confidence and without it, difficult for a couple to last.
5. But … The marriage contract can be a good option
Even if you have neither you nor your future husband a big heritage. The signing of a marriage contract, when it is decided at two can have many advantages.
For inheritance matters, it can be interesting. In short, it is not necessarily the symbol of a lack of confidence.
It can be interesting if you have a large estate or if you are a business owner. Do not hesitate to inquire and especially to discuss with your partner.
6. Life under the same roof
Before living with someone, it is imperative to have little experience alone. I mean that moving from her parent’s house to her husband’s without any prior transition can be a little hasty.
By living alone, you learn a lot. We learn to take care of ourselves. We discover ourselves personally and we often come to evolve.
In short, it is an essential step on the road to independence.
7. Marriage is only the beginning …
Let’s say, that in marriage, the ceremony is often the pinnacle of happiness … Before real life makes its entrance.
Getting married is often just happiness. The friends. The family. A good meal. A beautiful evening. Music. Lots of love…
But it’s after things go wrong … You must not get married for the ceremony. Instead, rent a party room!
Marriage is not just a ceremony. It’s a very serious thing!
8. No need to get married to a party!
It ties in a bit with what I said in the previous paragraph. No need to pass the ring finger to gather friends and family around a good meal and a beautiful evening.
To put it another way, marriage is not a party. It’s sometimes even a fight. Life together is not easy. It demands compromises and sometimes even sacrifices. You have to be ready for all that and be aware of what marriage really means.
9. Are you on the same wavelength?
If I invite you to ask this question, it is because it often takes years to answer! Yet this is certainly the most important issue on this list.
Indeed, many couples meet in high school or university and live therefore at the same pace. But once in active life, they realize that they do not have the same desires, the same priorities or the same ambitions … And they divorce!
In short, never get married until you are sure that your partner has the same goals as yours.
10. Keep in mind that people never really change
It’s sad, but it’s true. People do not change and that’s why you need to be sure you’re on the same page as your partner.
It is therefore likely that the qualities and the defects of your lover are exactly the same in 10 or 20 years, except exception.
So you have to be certain of your choice. Certain that you are able to bear his faults and even his qualities for the rest of your days …
For example, know that if he does not want children, you will never be able to force him.
11. Beware of addictions!
If he has any addiction, think carefully before marrying him. Again, it’s unlikely to change.
I know, it’s difficult, because sometimes it takes years to become aware of the addiction in question. Anyway, if your lover has problems with the game or the drugs, do not marry him lightly and know that you will probably have to live with this addiction until the end of your life.
To better understand, I invite you to return to the previous point.
12. Divorce is a nightmare
You found the ruptures complicated and painful? I let you imagine what it is when you have to face a divorce …
Beyond tears, suffering and sleepless nights, I let you imagine the appointments at the lawyers, the division of property and repeated passages in court.
This is a real puzzle, which can sometimes last for several years. It’s depressing and more, very expensive. It can really make a life in the air, not to mention the care of children …
13. Today, marriage is at the center of a true marketing strategy
Do not get me wrong, the wedding can be wonderful. Especially for those who are believers and who really need this passage to the church.
But for others, remember that the wedding is above all a money factory. It has become a real industry, on which thousands of people live in France.
In short, this is another question you need to ask yourself before you start.
14. There are other ways to prove your love
In other words, marriage should not be considered as proof of love. Obviously, getting married is a proof of love in itself … But there are millions more.
To prove to someone that we love him is to give himself to him. It is supporting him and helping him through difficult times. It’s getting up early to make breakfast for him. It’s pampering him when he’s sick, etc.
Marriage is something else and it is not necessary to tell the other: “I love you”.
15. Marriage is not a solution to all ills
This is also true for children … We do not get married and we do not make a child to heal a relationship that would be out of touch. Because it would not solve anything, quite the contrary.
Marriage is not a dressing. It is not a miracle solution either. If it does not work today, it will not be better in 10 years and simply because you are united by the bonds of marriage!
In short, marriage is the culmination of love and not a way to bring it into being.
Finally, marriage is not a piece of paper. No more than he is a white dress or an alliance. A wedding is a metaphor for living together. Marriage is a choice every day. That of loving the person who shares our life.