14 excuses for not making love

We already have children, we are old and tired by them. More time to lose. My “free” time is too precious, not very excited to share it. Did you know that a couple aged 30 to 39 has an average of 86 reports a year, or 1.6 a week? One wonders what the 0.6 looks like …

Finally, sometimes there is no way! So what excuse are we going out tonight? I give you 14, to vary the pleasure of the ears (for lack of flesh).

The basic excuses 

  • I am too tired. 

This one has existed since the dawn of time I guess. It seems particularly suitable for anyone who works or cares for children. It works out well for the annoyed moms.

  • I have a headache.

A good paracetamol and it starts again? It often takes an hour for it to work, we will not wait an hour like this! No it’s not worth it, we’ll have to put it back tomorrow (when I’m tired). Beware of the cleverest who will tell you that just ‘well done’ s ex is reputed to relieve headaches. In this case you only have to add nausea caused by the headache that starts to turn into migraine elsewhere …

  • I have my periods.

Unless you are in the “period s ex” trip, it works pretty well. This excuse must be used at most every 3 weeks, unless your partner does not know how to count. It can be taken out every 2 weeks, with the pre-menstrual period, during which a woman is supposedly more “pissed off”, looking him straight in the eyes with a cold look “I’m going to have my period in a few days, if you touch me, I’ll kill you. “

  • I have eaten too much.

If you are comfortable, decorate it with one or two burps or farts well placed, it is effective.

  • I pretend to sleep.

Of course, there is no excuse. We play it: we snore, we move more. We can also pretend to be dead down.

  • I forgot to take my pill.

This works well with partners who are not ready to have children, who already have at least one, or who do not like other means of protection.

  • It’s too hot.

Especially in summer when you have no air conditioning. The blow of “it is too cold” on the contrary works less well, since the theory is that the report can warm up.

The most vicious excuses

  • We have already done this afternoon! (valid only when he is not there in the afternoon)

Then we pretend to have made a mistake. The time he begins to understand, he will not feel like it anymore. We just be wary if he tends to be jealous …

  • We put the baby-phone in maximum power.

At the slightest sound it will light, and automatically it will cut the envy as we will be afraid that baby will wake up.

We can also play the card of “what was this noise? It was not the little ones? “. It can make you think.

  • Did you take out the trash?

Or any other subject that annoys: the poorly made painting on the ceiling of the room, the laundry he has badly dirty, the paper he did not sign, the bill that we forgot to pay. One can also discuss a disgusting subject before, or mention his mother for example.

  • What is this smell?

Followed by “Did you brush your teeth? “Or” Did you shower when last time? With a little grimace.

  • I have to shave.

I have to wash my hair too. We all know that they are chores, as much to benefit our half.

  • What is this head?

There it is he who can ask you that when you come back with a facial mask drying on the face. There are many different masks, in general they are all monstrous. Anyone will do the trick. If we do not have one, we can do it to Mrs Doubtfire by putting a good icing on her face, or the cream frankly.

  • I have a scratchy eye.

Scratch your eye several times. Then ask him if he thinks you have red-eye, because there was someone you saw this week who had conjunctivitis. I know that when my children have conjunctivitis I’m afraid, so I can not imagine if it’s my partner who risks getting close to me or even putting his head on my pillow!

  • Do you remember 5 years ago when you did this thing that made me nervous?

No, do not you remember? Ben me yes! So have fun all alone tonight. And hitched case! It always serves to be resentful.

Here is an anthology quite nice and easy to remember for you ladies. No need to thank me, it was a pleasure.



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